Service Makes a Mommy Happy

Do you know one of the coolest things I have learned from staying at home? I have a lot more time to do the things I never had time for. That would seem obvious, right? But it's not how much time I had but how I have learned to use my time that is the key.

Mommies give a lot of their selves during the week. They give some of the best brain power to some of the littlest human beings earth has to offer. They also give their hands to hold, and lift, and clean, and wipe, their legs to act as a chair, a rocking horse, or any other moving creature you can think of, their voices, their hearts, their minds. We give a lot. Essentially we are serving those closest to us 24-7.

Wait, what? I love service. It buoys me up, makes me feel good, and leaves me wanting more. But, hold on. I don't feel like that every day? In fact, I feel the opposite. I feel drained, tired, annoyed sweaty, hangry, nauseous, angry even.

Not so this week. I'll try to pinpoint the exact moment as I write it, but I doubt I still understand, other than the fact that I involved my kids in serving others as well. Sorry for the journal monologue, but see if you can see a pattern...

On Monday, I babysat a friend's kid so she could go work out. Cameron got a play date...and I cleaned my house while they played.
Tuesday, I went on fieldwork with Freddy and we went on a hike. I took two other kids and Freddy. They had a blast and so did I. Cameron got to play to play with more friends while I was gone. Win, win.I also text Fred and told him not to school and we should get donuts instead. He gratefully ditched and we got 6 yummy donuts for under two bucks! (Love T-mobile Tuesday) Later that night, I taught my Self-reliance class and got to get in amazing conversation with adults. I miss that.
Wednesday I picked up a friend's kid at school. She was having a baby and brought her home and she's Freddy's "crush" in school. Another win. After naps, the boys and I walked to the park and played...beautiful day!
Thursday I signed up for childcare at the gym so I can actually go to the gym. :) Then I went to a church playgroup, ran a friend's kid to school so she could take her aunt to the airport, and we visited with family and ate dinner with aunts and grandparents. Grandparents are really grand and make life so rich!
And lastly, today, Friday, I started the day with teaching. I have signed up to tutor Chinese students at home. We meet for an hour and I attempt to teach them English. It's amazing and fun and hard. But I love teaching such respectful students. 6 AM teaching too! Then, I went to the school I taught at for nine years and volunteered in Freddy's class. I helped eight students learn more about reading, and interacted with adults! Win, win!
Tonight Fred and I are eating with family and then going to Thriller, a dance performance, and I LOVE dancing. It's gonna be awesome. And bonus, grandparents are keeping the kids so we can pretend we are just the two of us...just for the night. Did I mention grandparents are grand??
Saturday and Saturday we will attend General Conference, which is a broadcast from our church showing apostles and prophets speaking about principles of the gospel that will lead us closer to God. And that is always a really uplifting and moving experience. And of course we'll have good food with family, go for walks, and take naps, and then do all this all over starting Monday.

If you have stuck through this long expose, you'll know nothing extraordinary happened. But yet, this week has been one of the best of my full-time mommyhood. I feel balanced. I kind of went to the gym, kind of taught, kind of mommied, kind of adulted, kind of had a date, and kind of spiritually fed myself. Each night I allowed time to write and market. Each night I spent time with just Fred.

I guess instead of service, you would think a balanced life is what one needs to feel fulfilled, but I know that's not really it. As I have written this, I still know it's service. Doing things for others with no expectation in return in really what has made the difference this week. I love serving others. It feels a hole in my life I can't fill just by myself. It really helped me forget about myself and look outwardly. Those are so many people that need us. So many, and if we are constantly aware of others, we do not have time to be angry or sad or disappointed with what's not happening with us. Because every moment feels important. That service I gave to a friend to drive a friend's child to school or babysit for a mom so she could go exercise, or even when I read with a child is priceless and cannot be bought.

Have you made time in your day to serve? Have you looked around lately and thought of what little thing you could do? Stop saying no to people who ask you to give of yourself in a way you know you could. You can do it! And you won't be disappointing. The results of service is amazing. <3

Wait, What? Failure Means I'm Winning?

Can I share a few thoughts about failure? Here's some Failure 411, taken from thoughts from Wendy Ulrich and Emily Watt's presentations. 

Failure seems like such a bad word, or it did until last week. At the conference I attended, I learned a lot about failure. So much in fact, that failure no longer has the same connotation in my head. Failure is something I'm actually looking forward to.

But I hadn't. In fact, failure in motherhood made me about ready to throw in the towel. Like for reals. I went a little crazy and I'm sure Fred was pulling out his vows and questioning his sanity. I just couldn't seem to find the happy in motherhood....because it's not there. Like, literally. Reread the word motherhood and I can guarantee  the word happy is not there. But luckily, neither is failure. But really, it should be there too.

Okay, enough yapping. let me share with you what I learned about failure.

First let's talk about confidence. Because usually people that have a healthy dose of confidence also have a healthy dose of successes and failures. I am going to try to apply this in my goals to become a good mom, but of course apply it to whatever skill you are lacking.

Confidence will increase when we have these four things:
1- A plan:  What is one step you can take toward that goal? What are your deepest values and intentions?
2- A learning mindset: Skills increase our confidence. We don't get those skills unless we fail...A LOT. Practicing failure is more important than practicing perfect.

MAYBE I'M NOT FAILING! MAYBE I"M JUST LEARNING.

3- Anxiety Acceptance: Anxiety is a normal emotion. You just have to decided that anxiety is no big deal. It happens and it is okay. And fun fact, those with anxiety usually perform at a higher rate than those that have no worries at all. 
4- Trust in God and ourselves
Above all voices in our head, His is the only one that tells the truth. 

So you mean all the bad days I've had since becoming a full time mom have not been a total waste of time? You mean that in those horrible moments where I felt my motherhood should be stripped from me forcibly that I was actually on the right track toward becoming a better mommy? 

Why yes, Jenny. That's exactly what I'm saying. 

So you're saying is all I have to do is try and that I shouldn't be afraid of failing because it's gonna happen anyway. And if I am doing motherhood right, I will fail a lot.

Yes, Jenny. That's what I'm saying.

Thanks, voice inside my head. Phew, do I feel relieved. Now seriously, do you think Heavenly Father would send us out here with all these tools and then watch as we fall over and over again. Nope. That's not how He is. He is the kindest, most loving Father you can imagine, and even though he might wince when we make certain decisions, He has allowed ways to grow from our experiences, blessing us with more time and more opportunities to practice those skills....until we are confident in that one thing. And then WATCH OUT, here comes another wrench he needs us to become confident in. But hey, now we know. Know we know it's all part of the refining fire that we hate and love so much. But here's the good news. You can now look forward to the next time you fell because it means you are on your path toward perfection. 

Mommyhood is Light

I know I personally would not be a good mom if I didn't have the light of the gospel leading me. This weekend I went to an amazing women's conference where I heard uplifting speakers talk about the gospel and about mommyhood and about the trials and drudgery of daily life. The music was spectacular, the spirit was amazing, but the most profound things I learned were not said by a speaker or sung by a singer.

Back in February when I was prompted to stay at home with my children instead of 

returning to work, I had so many emotions....like too many. Anger, disappointment, relief, fear, doubt, and a little bit of joy. All of my other feelings were clouding my judgement and making it very hard to want to stay at home.

In 2008, I came to Ogden to start a new life. I knew nobody and I was starting from scratch. I was hired at Venture Academy and I started to build my life around my career. I ate, worked, and slept and then repeated until Fred came into the picture. Then I opened up my world to include him. Then came Freddy and next came Cameron. Instead of rebuilding my life, I made them fit into this world I had already started for myself. Keyword being myself.

When Heavenly Father asked me to give up that world I had built, it took three years to trust in Him and actually do it. One of the greatest joys of teaching was having such a powerful influence on so many people around me. I felt influential and important. And selfishly, I did not want to lose those feel goods in my life.

In the months that have followed, I have really struggled. Really struggled. I have expressed that in previous posts but that is just the tip of the iceberg no one sees but me and my family. I have cried many nights in fear and what felt like a physical pain inside my chest. How was I ever going to make as much of a difference at home as I did at school?

Now you seasoned people already know the answers to my unanswered questions. But I was too blind in my pain to see the truth. The conference I attended this weekend has started to scratch the surface of understanding of God's plan for me.

 I have alot of thoughts about it and I will share them sporadically throughout the next few weeks, but the biggest one that has stayed with me was a mommy blogger, who wanted to be a light to the world. She wanted to move mountains and be someone that people knew and followed and loved. She wanted to take literally the scripture in Matthew 5:14. "Ye are the light of the world. A city that is set on an hill cannot be hid." 

But life made her slow down and she realized that the best way to be a light was in her own home. If you continue reading in Matthew, it says in verse 15: "Neither do men light a candle and put it under a bushel, but on a candlestick; and it giveth light unto all that are in the house."

Isn't that profound? A small light can fill a room. Who are the most important people in my life? Was it the kids I taught in school 7 hours a day, five days a week, or the two small people I gave life that I saw a mere five hours a day?

This weekend was the start of me keeping in perspective what my role in the home is and what I need to do to fulfill this new journey I've been asked to take. I've never backed down from a challenge yet, but in the beginning all mountains look unimaginable to cross. Fortunately, I have faith in myself and hope in the Lord's promises that he will help me and make sure I succeed.

So with this new knowledge, I am ready to start trying a little harder. To be kinder. To be more prepared. To have the right attitude.

Mommyhood is indeed sacred.