Rabe 2017 Newsletter

If you would have told me last January that most of what I wanted to achieve wouldn't be an option the next year and things I never dreamed I would achieve suddenly would become a possibility, I would have laughed. If someone would have also told me one of my family members would go through a perilous time, or that Fred and I would struggle in ways we hadn't, and I would accomplish one of my life-long dreams, I wouldn't have believed you.

One of the biggest, hardest decisions I have made in my life was made this year...to stay at home and put my career to the side to focus on my family. I cried a lot over that decision. I had taught at the same school for nine years and when I moved to Utah, teaching at this school was all I knew. I married and had two kids around this career and made it work. So when I felt that Heavenly Father was telling me to put that career to the side to focus on raising a family, I felt beat up inside. All that I had built would fall in seconds.

Many heart-wrenching moments later, I am so happy I made that hard decision. Instead of worrying about what lessons to teach, and which parents to contact, or what peers needed space from me, I have focused on what I could do to grow closer to my boys, what fun activities to plan, how to be productive staying home all day. Big change...and it's brought big results. It's taken me a hot minute, but I love staying at home with the boys. I've seen Freddy and Cameron change in ways I know couldn't have been possible if I had stayed at Venture.

But that's what the year 2017 had in store for us. So, I want to share some of our big ups and downs from this year in hopes we can learn from our mistakes and celebrate our successes.

Let's start with our fearless leader in the family, Fred. 

Fred has had a busy year. He finished two of the three certifications he needs for a technical degree in networking and IT Security. He took three business trips, visiting New York in a snowstorm and went to Hill Cumorah and visited one of the church sites, Niagara Falls where his phone went to Canada, but somehow he didn't, and Maine twice. He visited with Netgear partners and sold over 5 million dollars in his area of business. Too bad his take-home value was nowhere close :)

He had nose surgery this summer and impressively doesn't snore quite as much. He had a deviated septum, they rebuilt his nose from when he'd been punched in the face when he was younger, and they even saw a cyst in there. Good times.

His scrambled egg game has never been as strong...seriously, he makes a mean omelette, as well as cooking savory soups and stir fry. We have been the lovely benefactors of all of his yummy dishes. He had been serving in the Elder's Quorum Presidency and was recently called to be in the Stake Sunday School Presidency.

Next up is Freddy. Freddy started the year off with a splash...literally. While attending our yearly timeshare in Destin, Freddy slipped under the water unnoticed and had to be resuscitated after a few minutes underwater. It was the scariest moment of my life. Watching him turn blue, foam at the mouth, stop breathing, and eventually groaning in pain. Those were some of the most beautiful sounds although and we are learning to appreciate every moment God gives us.

There was no residual damage and within two days, Freddy was back in the water like nothing had happened. Only the adults sat on the edge of their seats the entire rest of the trip. But that was okay too. We learned to be ever more watchful of the things in life most precious.

This year, Freddy started Kindergarten. Here he is with his teacher, Mrs. Jacobson. He has blossomed in her class, already reading at an ending first grade level. He struggles with sitting still like most little boys and calls out more than he should, but we're working on it. Now that I am home, I am able to serve in his class as a volunteer, sign up to drive on fieldwork, and volunteer in the class every week. I helped with the Halloween party and even subbed in his class.

I feel blessed that I have the time to do these things. If I were teaching, I doubt Freddy would be as far along in his reading because I wouldn't have the time to sit with him each evening. He is also a little confident guy and has made many friends that he loves. I love being a part of his learning experiences. He performed well at his first Celebration of Learning, Little Hands on the Farm, where he taught us how a flower grows and talked about how you can be a producer and consumer. He did so well at his student-led conference, teaching us all that he has learned this school year. I am a teacher...and I was blown away with how well he executed his little presentation.

Let's move on to Cameron. He is one of the friendliest, sweetest, little guys around. He's got a stubborn streak in him, loves to sing when he's all alone, loves baths and playing, and loves watching Super Why, Octonauts, and Bo on the Go. I especially hate the last show, but he is captivated when he watches it.

Since Freddy has gone off to school, it leaves me with Cameron for almost three hours of alone time, and boy is he a fun buddy to share time with. We occasionally go to the gym...I do my exercises and he plays with kids and watched TV, which I hate they have AT A GYM! Anyway, we love to cook scrambled eggs together, and watch TV shows together, and he's a little fish when it comes to swimming. He loves to be in the water.

He's learned a lot this year, and his speech is so much more advanced than Freddy's ever was. When he is quiet, you can see the wheels turning in his head...or you can see him going to the restroom in his diaper. I'd say he's 60% potty-trained. He will go when we take him, but he won't tell us he needs to go and he's never once tried number two. Sad. Diapers are expensive. Oh well. Next year!

Finally, let's talk about Jenny, the author of this blog and newsletter. You've already learned about my big decision to stay at home and probably have seen some of the great effects it is having on my family. Although I have stepped away from teaching, I am at Venture a lot in the week, dropping off Freddy each day, driving for fieldwork, volunteering in his class, occasionally substituting, giving back through the parent crew, and serving on the Venture Board. It's been weird and hard being involved in different ways, but it has given me new perspectives about the school and more things to be grateful for.

I was called to be a Gospel Doctrine teacher, and a month later, a Self-Reliance mentor for the new program the church has adopted to help individuals be more financially, spiritually, and physically self-reliant. I have taught two 12 week courses so far and it has really helped me to balance my need to help others and my desires I have for myself.


I finished my ninth year of teaching with a bang. I've been blessed to be a mentor to three friends, train on several occasions, and learn from some of the best teachers I've ever met. This year I was blessed with especially brilliant and kind children, and I am so glad they year ended with such sweet students. I will miss them the most.

One of the biggest surprises this year has been my plunge into authorship. I've been writing steadily most of my life, but finally sat down and wrote a novel about 3-5 years ago. I say that lightly because three other "practice" novels were written at the same time, and though they helped me develop my craft and voice, I hope they never see the light. Luckily, my first novel did make it to the light of day.

Playground Treasures is a middlegrade novel (ages 8-12) about Kendall who runs from a bad home, finding refuge on the school playground in an underground sewer. He is dealing with the death of his family and the loss of the one thing he had left from his mom, a cat necklace. He meets Lorelei, who is also dealing with the grief of losing her father and they find they have more in common than a love of the playground swings and the need for a friend. When Kendall's new freedom is threatened, he has to ask for help from his new friend and her family, and together they have to stop his adopted family from taking him back home. It's an emotional book that hopefully gets kids to realize that friendship helps heal those little holes in our lives that ultimately happen when hard times come.

I also edited and published three anthologies, two of which I have a short story in, with my LDS Beta Readers group, the online writing group I run. They are a great group of talented authors and these projects have been a long time in coming. Mindgames has 25 different short stories that have a twisted or suspenseful ending, Unspoken Words has 13 clean, sweet romance short stories, and Love Undefined has 10 stories that go outside of the romance realm a bit. I was the main editor on all three of the projects and it has been a great learning experience for me.

I've also started teaching Chinese children English at home in the early morning hours. My students are sweet and dedicated, and I basically just show up, lead a discussion, and pray I don't fall asleep. They are intrinsically motivated and I am impressed with their drive to learn.

Other than our annual trip to the beach and work trips, I made a few other trips, some family, some individual.

When the summer, hit, I was able to go back to my roots, Georgia, and see my best friend Kelly Thomaston get married. She was actually the one who saw Freddy drowning that one fateful day, and I owe her everything. It was so great to return to Thomaston and see the people I love from the T-town branch. I attended the ward there and saw so many friends I love. I spent a Sunday with the Adams family, ate at La Fiesta with the sister missionaries, stayed in an apartment by myself and finished my first clean, adult romance novel, and visited with family friends.

Then I headed up to Peachtree City, one of my favorite places in the world, and spent a lovely week with my best friend, Amber Gardner. We seem to fall back to where we were last when we're together, and I filled my physical need of being in that sweet, humid Georgia air. I watched the PTC fireworks and rode a golfcart for funsies, took a hike up Stone Mountain, watched the fireflies, and met with long-time friends from church. I filled my spiritual tank with conversations with good people, and I laid around Amber's house and typed while she fed me good food and filled me with love. It was exactly what I needed after my crushing realization that my career was at a stall and I had to redefine who I was. I realized that I love who I am and no career determined the amount of success I could achieve.

Meanwhile, the kids played with Aunt Katie. She did an amazing job at watching the boys, playing and giving them extra love that only aunts can give, and assuring they did not forget who she was. When I returned, my parents visited, my mom spending one week, and my dad spending another. He helped work on the new bathroom we started from scratch, installed doors, and painted walls. It's a never-ending need cycle at my house, and we're always grateful when we don't have to pay to get work done.

After a few weeks visiting with us, Dad drove me and the boys back to Texas where we had a fun time going to the park with Mimi every day, swimming in the pool, and going to the rocky beach/lake they had down the road. We ate yummy casseroles and roast beef I grew up on, we watched movies and ate popcorn, we found white cheese sauce in a restaurant and celebrated. It was magical. And then when the time came to return home, Dad drove us back to Utah, trying to teach Freddy the importance of looking out the window and observing life around him instead of looking at a screen. He didn't buy most of it. We're still working on that.

The rest of the year, I can honestly say that not much happened....which means, I learned a lot. I turned tiny moments into really important, significant ones for our children. We went from having two incomes to having no insurance and one income. We stopped eating out and started making more meals together at home. We stopped going on trips and doing fun things and focused on what we could do at home together. MouseTrap became one of Freddy's favorite games and Cameron is in love with bubbles. We learned the small, insignificant memories that no one takes the time to write down are the ones you should remember.


When the holiday season came, we started a Thankful Jar, and wrote donw on small slips of paper the people and things that mean a lot to us. When Christmas hit, I started tagging people in a #lighttheworldwithbooks challenge. People that had influenced me that year, taught me, made me laugh, and inspired me. I shared their borrowed light with others and thanked God they were in my life.

More than anything, the Rabes are incredibly blessed. God has forced us to slow down and really rely on him and his mercies, taught us to love others and recognize their goodness and how their lives bless ours. We are so thankful for all of our friends and family and the blessing you are in each of our lives. We have no idea what 2018 will look to us, but we know if we're waiting upon the Lord and doing His will, we will make little splashes that makes waves in others' lives.

We love you all!
The Rabes

Look for the Small Moments

In one of my favorite writing units I used to teach, Lucy Caulkins encouraged students to write small, defining moments, rather than travel logs or journal entries. It's really a very artistic approach to teaching kids to write personal narratives and could talk all day about this curriculum. But I digress. When I look at other mommy profiles and blogs, they seem to only share the big happenings in their families, trips to the zoo, trips to the movies, or even trip to Disneyland. We seem to only see the best snapshots of their mommy career.

But you're not fooling us.

We know that mommyhood is not for the weak of heart and we know it's not all butterflies and happiness either. No, it's more like we're fighting together through the war trenches, scrambling to make it out alive each, calling upon our sister to know they're okay while they scrape away at whatever demons keep them from making it out. Dramatic, but helpful in describing the life of a mom.

My writing lessons with Lucy Caulkins has really helped me keep things in perspective as I roll along my own mommyhood adventures. Instead of looking for the big watermelon events to happen, I am looking for the small, seed moments that show growth and strength. I am looking for the small seed stories rather than the big, watermelon events that I assumed happened all the time.

I've started to follow a few women that have started doing this in their posts or blogs because I think observing others daily triumphs gives us real expectations of what the day to day trudge could be, if we only have the right attitude.

Yesterday was a good example of how I tried to find those small seed moments. Let me give you a snapshot of the day.

Nothing extraordinary happened. Freddy went to school, I went to the gym with Cameron and worked out, we went home and he watched TV while I pretended to write on my Nanowrimo project, while really stalking people on Facebook. Good times, right? No. Just ordinary. We picked up Freddy, ate lunch, the boys had naps, I continued to pretend to write, and Fred came home. No magic. No special seed moments worth writing about.

And then dinner happened. We had chicken noodle soup with Grandma noodles (they're in the freezer section by the rolls). It was uhmazing and Fred even found a sparkling grape juice at the store and we tried it out. (They don't sell the brand I've always loved in Georgia, and he found the best one we've had so far.) We talked about being grateful and wrote some things down on small slips of paper and put them in the Gratitude jar we started for Turkey month. Still nothing special. We watched A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving and gave the kids one piece of Halloween candy, cause we're evil and make it last the WHOLE year. Freddy and Cameron died laughing when Snoopy had a battle with one of the chairs. We even caught their mirthful laughter on video.

Still nothing amazing has happened. Now it's time for bed and it's chaotic as we bathe the kids and send them off to sleep, which they don't...for like an hour. And we fit in a show of Supernatural/Cheers which is how Fred and I unwind. See, we live very extraordinary lives. Nothing worth of mentioning. Nothing Facebook worthy.

But yet, I would take these days over the many ups and downs life seems to offer, and on a regular basis too. Can you imagine being up, up, up all the time, or even worse, down, down, down? Let's be honest we've had months or even years of one or the other with only sprinkles of regular days. But thank goodness when we can have these slow down times, where we enjoy a  regular day together, enjoy good food, laughter, and smiles. Makes it worth it, and it makes those regular days much more important.

So let's find the small seed stories that are happening that could bring fulfillment to the daily drudgery of running errands, carpooling kids back and forth, work woes, and family-speed-up-or-die moments. Slowing down and watching for these small moments will bring much more happiness. And for goodness sake, (talking mostly to myself) your story is going to be different, so stop looking for yours to match someone else's. Be happy that you are able to create your own.

Service Makes a Mommy Happy

Do you know one of the coolest things I have learned from staying at home? I have a lot more time to do the things I never had time for. That would seem obvious, right? But it's not how much time I had but how I have learned to use my time that is the key.

Mommies give a lot of their selves during the week. They give some of the best brain power to some of the littlest human beings earth has to offer. They also give their hands to hold, and lift, and clean, and wipe, their legs to act as a chair, a rocking horse, or any other moving creature you can think of, their voices, their hearts, their minds. We give a lot. Essentially we are serving those closest to us 24-7.

Wait, what? I love service. It buoys me up, makes me feel good, and leaves me wanting more. But, hold on. I don't feel like that every day? In fact, I feel the opposite. I feel drained, tired, annoyed sweaty, hangry, nauseous, angry even.

Not so this week. I'll try to pinpoint the exact moment as I write it, but I doubt I still understand, other than the fact that I involved my kids in serving others as well. Sorry for the journal monologue, but see if you can see a pattern...

On Monday, I babysat a friend's kid so she could go work out. Cameron got a play date...and I cleaned my house while they played.
Tuesday, I went on fieldwork with Freddy and we went on a hike. I took two other kids and Freddy. They had a blast and so did I. Cameron got to play to play with more friends while I was gone. Win, win.I also text Fred and told him not to school and we should get donuts instead. He gratefully ditched and we got 6 yummy donuts for under two bucks! (Love T-mobile Tuesday) Later that night, I taught my Self-reliance class and got to get in amazing conversation with adults. I miss that.
Wednesday I picked up a friend's kid at school. She was having a baby and brought her home and she's Freddy's "crush" in school. Another win. After naps, the boys and I walked to the park and played...beautiful day!
Thursday I signed up for childcare at the gym so I can actually go to the gym. :) Then I went to a church playgroup, ran a friend's kid to school so she could take her aunt to the airport, and we visited with family and ate dinner with aunts and grandparents. Grandparents are really grand and make life so rich!
And lastly, today, Friday, I started the day with teaching. I have signed up to tutor Chinese students at home. We meet for an hour and I attempt to teach them English. It's amazing and fun and hard. But I love teaching such respectful students. 6 AM teaching too! Then, I went to the school I taught at for nine years and volunteered in Freddy's class. I helped eight students learn more about reading, and interacted with adults! Win, win!
Tonight Fred and I are eating with family and then going to Thriller, a dance performance, and I LOVE dancing. It's gonna be awesome. And bonus, grandparents are keeping the kids so we can pretend we are just the two of us...just for the night. Did I mention grandparents are grand??
Saturday and Saturday we will attend General Conference, which is a broadcast from our church showing apostles and prophets speaking about principles of the gospel that will lead us closer to God. And that is always a really uplifting and moving experience. And of course we'll have good food with family, go for walks, and take naps, and then do all this all over starting Monday.

If you have stuck through this long expose, you'll know nothing extraordinary happened. But yet, this week has been one of the best of my full-time mommyhood. I feel balanced. I kind of went to the gym, kind of taught, kind of mommied, kind of adulted, kind of had a date, and kind of spiritually fed myself. Each night I allowed time to write and market. Each night I spent time with just Fred.

I guess instead of service, you would think a balanced life is what one needs to feel fulfilled, but I know that's not really it. As I have written this, I still know it's service. Doing things for others with no expectation in return in really what has made the difference this week. I love serving others. It feels a hole in my life I can't fill just by myself. It really helped me forget about myself and look outwardly. Those are so many people that need us. So many, and if we are constantly aware of others, we do not have time to be angry or sad or disappointed with what's not happening with us. Because every moment feels important. That service I gave to a friend to drive a friend's child to school or babysit for a mom so she could go exercise, or even when I read with a child is priceless and cannot be bought.

Have you made time in your day to serve? Have you looked around lately and thought of what little thing you could do? Stop saying no to people who ask you to give of yourself in a way you know you could. You can do it! And you won't be disappointing. The results of service is amazing. <3

Mommyhood is Light

I know I personally would not be a good mom if I didn't have the light of the gospel leading me. This weekend I went to an amazing women's conference where I heard uplifting speakers talk about the gospel and about mommyhood and about the trials and drudgery of daily life. The music was spectacular, the spirit was amazing, but the most profound things I learned were not said by a speaker or sung by a singer.

Back in February when I was prompted to stay at home with my children instead of 

returning to work, I had so many emotions....like too many. Anger, disappointment, relief, fear, doubt, and a little bit of joy. All of my other feelings were clouding my judgement and making it very hard to want to stay at home.

In 2008, I came to Ogden to start a new life. I knew nobody and I was starting from scratch. I was hired at Venture Academy and I started to build my life around my career. I ate, worked, and slept and then repeated until Fred came into the picture. Then I opened up my world to include him. Then came Freddy and next came Cameron. Instead of rebuilding my life, I made them fit into this world I had already started for myself. Keyword being myself.

When Heavenly Father asked me to give up that world I had built, it took three years to trust in Him and actually do it. One of the greatest joys of teaching was having such a powerful influence on so many people around me. I felt influential and important. And selfishly, I did not want to lose those feel goods in my life.

In the months that have followed, I have really struggled. Really struggled. I have expressed that in previous posts but that is just the tip of the iceberg no one sees but me and my family. I have cried many nights in fear and what felt like a physical pain inside my chest. How was I ever going to make as much of a difference at home as I did at school?

Now you seasoned people already know the answers to my unanswered questions. But I was too blind in my pain to see the truth. The conference I attended this weekend has started to scratch the surface of understanding of God's plan for me.

 I have alot of thoughts about it and I will share them sporadically throughout the next few weeks, but the biggest one that has stayed with me was a mommy blogger, who wanted to be a light to the world. She wanted to move mountains and be someone that people knew and followed and loved. She wanted to take literally the scripture in Matthew 5:14. "Ye are the light of the world. A city that is set on an hill cannot be hid." 

But life made her slow down and she realized that the best way to be a light was in her own home. If you continue reading in Matthew, it says in verse 15: "Neither do men light a candle and put it under a bushel, but on a candlestick; and it giveth light unto all that are in the house."

Isn't that profound? A small light can fill a room. Who are the most important people in my life? Was it the kids I taught in school 7 hours a day, five days a week, or the two small people I gave life that I saw a mere five hours a day?

This weekend was the start of me keeping in perspective what my role in the home is and what I need to do to fulfill this new journey I've been asked to take. I've never backed down from a challenge yet, but in the beginning all mountains look unimaginable to cross. Fortunately, I have faith in myself and hope in the Lord's promises that he will help me and make sure I succeed.

So with this new knowledge, I am ready to start trying a little harder. To be kinder. To be more prepared. To have the right attitude.

Mommyhood is indeed sacred.